I guess it begins again

Running into you in places I didn't plan to be. Surprised every time, I never get out what I want to say. That your hair looks great grown long. That your perfume smells beautiful, if smell can be such. Instead I talk small and have no idea what I’m saying. Because your eyes. They captivate, enthralling all of me.

Blessed

Because I’ve found a love I can't conceive.
Because a heart turned to stone has started to beat again.
Because I’ll love till it hurts, then I’ll love some more.
Because I’ve discovered the secret.
Because the cynics speak hollowed-out claims, halfheartedly.
Because a life in his name is never safe.
Because the cracks let the light come in.
Because “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
Because Death has no victory.
Because he’s opened my eyes to see it.
Blessed.
Because we all are. Every single one of us.

Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound

I love you because it hurts to. Because you kill me. And nothing makes me feel more alive than dying.

I’m starting to see something divine in that. You will never be who I need you or want you to be, and that somehow makes it better. Gives me peace. Because that’s who I am to him. I am the one who falls down, runs away, slaps his face. Then begs for help. I am the one who can never be the man he wants me to be. But just once, I swear, I wish I could say that I even tried to be.

Fucked

Because I thought I’d found ‘the one,’ again. And was wrong, again.
Because bad decisions leave scars like sloppy incisions in permanent marks.
Because in times like these, alone is the scariest place to be.
Because a death wish is a life wish gone to hell.
Because yesterday may have been the best day of my life.
Because I can never save you from what he’s done.
Because I’ll break my vow again tonight.
Because I’ll lie and make you think I’m alright.
Because it’s in my genes, a double helix jinx.
Because I’m more than you can handle.
Fucked.
Because we all are. Every single one of us.

Shh...

I love doctor appointments. Over the past few years, I’ve seen sinus doctors (4), allergists (2), general practitioners (2), and an orthopod. I go in and tell them what is wrong. And they listen. Really listen. And that’s what I love about it. Because no one listens anymore.

Surprise

I'm starting to see my life as the day of a surprise birthday party. But the minutes become months and I'm still waiting for everyone to jump out and scream "Surprise."