Motivation (the lack thereof)

I’m starting to think this is unsustainable. Doing this all on my own. Making my way in this world alone.

The Story

The best thing about my life is that I am the protagonist. The worst thing about my life is that I am the protagonist. When the story takes an unpleasant turn or when Protagonist isn’t being all he should, I am unable to distract myself with other subplots or tangential stories featuring other main characters. I’m pretty much stuck with the same guy. And the even more frustrating part of the story is that the bad things, the parts I wish I could edit out, get so intertwined with the good parts that the good parts can’t ever seem to become great parts. And then there are the recurring villains who cannot be dispatched. When I think Protagonist defeated villain X in Chapter 3, villain X shows up again in Chapter 12—which complicates things because Protagonist is currently battling villain Y. How can he take on both of them at the same time? And, in the midst of all that, how can he be what he’s supposed to be for the emerging heroine of the story? I just hope there’s a surprise plot twist coming soon, cause it’s not looking good.

A song is key

I wish I had a guitar here so I could sing this darkness out of me. It seems to build when I don’t have that. And I’m starting to see that a song is key for me to sing out what is poison otherwise. The way a minor tone brings a shift inside of me is something beyond what words can say. And I know I need it, to sing it, to feel it. But tonight words must suffice to carry the weight of hurt that you’ll never see, except when I sing it.

Hannahgrace

Today, my six year-old niece did two things that utterly and completely charmed me all over again.

When I got to my sister’s house, I was wearing my glasses. I said that I was going to put my contacts in, and Hannagrace exclaimed, “You wear contacts?” as if she were surprised or if this was a new revelation to her. Then after a short pause she said, “What are contacts?”

Then we were at a pizza buffet-type place and she was sitting eating noodles with nothing on them. My mom (Nana to her) asked Hannagrace if that’s how she likes to eat them. Hannahgrace said, “No, I just could not reach the sauce.”

If there has ever been a reason for me to come to Texas more, I’m pretty sure I’ve found it.