Remuneration

I feel it creeping, always a few steps behind me. If I slow down too long, if I stop for a breath it will catch me. And then comes the darkness. Doubt and fear and knowing that I am failing. That I may not be who I want to be and that I definitely never planned to be here—not now, not ever. That things may not work out in the end.

So I steady my pace and try not to look over my shoulder except when I have to. To remind myself that I have to keep pushing even as my body fails. To remind myself that one day there will be an accounting. And I’m the one responsible for all this.